How to Support a Loved One’s Independence Without Losing Your Own Sanity
If you’re caring for someone with dementia, chances are you’ve wrestled with this question:
“Am I doing too much, or not enough?”
Some days, you help them get dressed, make meals, and manage medications. Other days, they want to do it all on their own—even if it takes 45 minutes to put on one sock. You want them to feel independent. You also want to keep them safe.
The balance between empowerment and protection is tricky and exhausting.
But here’s the truth no one tells you: Helping someone hold on to their independence doesn’t mean doing everything for them.
In fact, doing less in the right moments can actually do more for their dignity, well-being, and peace of mind.
3 Practical Tips You Can Use Right Now
1. Stop correcting and start cueing. Instead of saying, “No, that’s not how you do it,” try offering a gentle cue: “Let’s try the shirt first,” or “I wonder if the spoon might work better here.”
2. Don’t finish the task. Start the step. Sometimes just placing the toothbrush in their hand, or guiding them to the dresser, is enough. Let them try, then support, not swoop.
3. Let go of the “right” way.
Did the dishes get washed? Great. Did they dry every spoon? Not important. If they participated and felt capable, you both won.
You’re Not Alone in This—And You Shouldn’t Have to Figure It All Out Solo
If this hits home, there’s a place where you can talk about all of it, safely, openly, and with people who understand what it’s like to walk this path.
It’s called the Empowered Caregiver Series at Cerenity Marian of Saint Paul. This month’s session is dedicated to helping you support your loved one’s independence without sacrificing your own emotional bandwidth.
August Session: Supporting Independence
Wednesday, August 20 1:30–2:30 PM | Expert Presentation 2:30–3:00 PM | Optional Dementia Caregiver Support Group
200 Earl Street, St. Paul, MN 55106
FREE to attend, but seats fill quickly.